Movin' On

Part III

July 14, 1987

Hazzard County, Georgia

Daisy and Luke were running some errands for Jesse, picking up some things in Atlanta and doing the work that always seemed to need getting done in the summer time.

“I really wish Bo were here to help,” Daisy said, without even thinking.

Luke slammed on the brakes of the pick-up and brought the truck to a halt at the side of the road. “I don’t want to hear his name again,” the oldest Duke cousin hissed.

“Luke, what the hell has gotten into you, why won’t you just tell me what’s going on, it’s been nearly three weeks!”

“You sure you really want to know, cousin?” Luke asked with as much sarcasm as he could.

“Yes, I do, dang it, Luke, you won’t say anything and when Bo calls he won’t! I’ve had it.”

“Fine, you want the truth, here’s the truth…Bo left because I wouldn’t admit to the world that he was the other half of my soul, I couldn’t admit that I love him and now he’s gone. Does that make you happy?”

“No, it doesn’t. How long?”

“How long have I loved him?” Luke asked, at Daisy’s nod he continued “For as long as I can remember. He’s always been the most important person in my life. Without him I’m nothing.”

“Then why can’t you just admit how much you love him?” Daisy asked, thoroughly perplexed.”

“Because….because my admitting that will only serve to get him hurt. He thinks it’s because I can’t admit to loving another man, in truth it’s that I can’t admit loving anyone, or they could end up hurt, or worse.”

”I don’t understand.”

“When I was in the Marine’s I made a lot of enemy’s, cousin, one of those enemy’s promised that one day they would come after the person I was in love with. I had put Jack Talon away for treason. I found out that he was selling secrets, to keep his Vietnamese wife alive. While I understood his reasoning, by that time it was too late to stop the treason charges. Even though I managed, with my company, to get his wife out of danger, when he went to prison he vowed to find the person I loved more than any other and hurt them, the way his wife had been hurt.”

“Oh, Luke, that’s terrible.”

“Now you know why I couldn’t let on that Bo and I were anything more than what we appeared from the outside. Jack got out of prison two and a half years ago, and ever since then I’ve been scared to death that he would find Bo and hurt him.”

“Does Bo know?”

“Of course not! That’s why he left, because I wouldn’t tell him why I wouldn’t acknowledge our relationship.”

“I still don’t think you’re doing the right thing. I think you need to go to him. Tell him why you haven’t wanted to come out about your relationship, let him be the judge of whether it’s worth the risk or not.”

“Part of me knows that, Daisy, but part of me can only think that this living with the emptiness is better than loving him openly and having him hurt because of that love.”

“Luke, he’s hurting now.”

“I know.”

July 14, 1987

San Francisco, California

Bo was rushing around his apartment getting ready for work. Thanks to Jack he had found work at a bar called the Striped Lion, as a bouncer. There weren’t really all that many fights to break up, it was a clean, well-run establishment…and it just happened to cater to the many gays and lesbians that inhabited the city.

Bo didn’t mind the work, or the people he worked with, both other employees and the bar’s customers. He found himself gradually opening up to the people he worked with, though he was still in limbo about himself. He didn’t truly feel like he was one of them, yet by all laws of society he was, simply because he loved Luke.

Finally Bo found the tennis shoe he had kicked off as he walked in the door the night before, and once again he promised himself that he was going to seriously clean the place up. It wasn’t that he was a slob, years of sharing a room with someone had gotten him into the habit of keeping it neat, it was just that he didn’t really care much.

Though Bo was well liked by everyone he met, he still keenly felt the loss of his true love. The only person who would ever hold his heart was Luke, and Bo admitted that to himself, and to Jack. Jack had become a good friend, though there were times that Bo thought Jack wanted more, but he was grateful that Jack never pushed him into a situation he wasn’t comfortable with.

“Bo, glad to see you could join us,” Steve, the head bouncer said, as Bo walked in, barely in time for his shift, as usual.

“Sorry, Steve, I just can’t seem to get used to the city traffic. I’m used to doing 3 miles in two and a half minutes, not a half hour,” Bo said, trying to get Steve to laugh off his near tardiness.

“Just see that you don’t start coming in any later, okay?”

“You got it.”

“Good, there’s a change of clothes hanging on your locker, you have the upstairs tonight.”

“Upstairs?” Bo questioned a little nervously.

“Yeah, Mitch wants to try you out up there, don’t worry, if it doesn’t work for you, we’ll have you back down here tomorrow.”

“Uh, yeah, sure, okay…” Bo stammered, heading off to the locker room behind the stage.

Bo found the black leather pants and tee shirt he was expected to wear hanging on his locker, just as Steve had promised. He knew that it was supposed to be a big honor at the bar to get chosen to bounce for the leather bar upstairs, but it was almost too much ‘culture’ for the young man from Hazzard, Georgia.

Slowly Bo donned his new ‘uniform’ and looked in the mirror, he couldn’t help but notice that the black leather outfit did look good on him, almost too good for his own tastes. He only hoped that he wouldn’t get asked to bounce for the bar down in the basement. He had only been down there once, and that was when it was closed to the public, but he knew that he couldn’t handle that much of an alternative lifestyle this soon in his career as a bouncer.

That night everything went fine in the upstairs ‘leather’ bar. Bo even found that he didn’t feel as out of place as he first feared he would. The customers were just as nice to him up there as they had been in the main dance bar, and no one made any moves on his person that he didn’t want them to, somehow all the patrons knew that Bo worked for the bar, even though he was dressed much the same as every one of them.

Bo dropped onto his couch around 4 am, exhausted, as usual, feeling like he could barely make it into the bedroom, then he noticed the light on the telephone answering machine blinking rapidly and decided he had better see who it was, just in case it was Daisy or Jesse.

“Bo, it’s Jack, I know you have the day off tomorrow and hoped that maybe we could meet for an early supper and then go for a drive or something. Give me a call, you know my number at work. See ya later.”

Bo replayed the message once, and then a second time, trying to figure out if Jack was trying to ask him out on a date, or just wanted to do something as friends. Finally he gave up trying to figure it out and decided to deal with it in the morning, or what counted as morning for him.

When the doorbell rang at five the next night, Bo almost made like he wasn’t home, unsure and afraid about how Jack was seeing the evening. But he knew that Jack wouldn’t be fooled by that for long, so instead he opened the door to his beaming friend.

“Bo! How ya been?” Jack asked, his voice almost over eager.

“I’ve been fine, Jack, we just saw each other Saturday, for crying out loud.”

“I know, I’ve just been missing you, come on, you ready to go?’

“Let’s hit it,” Bo said with more enthusiasm than he felt.

The two men had long since finished a nice supper at a great steakhouse, and were driving along the coast when Jack pulled into an overlook. “I thought we could watch the sunset from here.”

“Yeah, sure, this is nice,” Bo agreed, the silence was thick in the car, until Bo spoke again. “Look, Jack, I’ve had a great time tonight, but…”

“But this is where you tell me you don’t want to see me again.”

“No, Jack, it’s not that, it’s just that this feels like a ‘date’ and quite frankly, I’m not ready for that, and even if I were, I’m not sure it would be with a man.”

“I just figured that you were attracted to guys.”

“I don’t know, not really, I guess.”

“What about, Luke?”

“Luke’s different, we knew each other and loved each other for years before we became ‘lovers’. It’s not like either of us planned on getting involved in a gay relationship, it just sort of happened. Now that that’s over, I’m not sure I want any relationship. I know that I will never be able to fully give my heart away again. You’re a terrific guy, you deserve much more than I could ever offer you.”

“Why is it that all the guys I fall for that don’t want me use that line?”

“I’m not using it as a line, Jack, I’m saying it as a friend. I’d like to keep our friendship, but if we go the way we have been tonight, I don’t think that will be possible. I’m just not ready for another relationship. I hope you can understand that.”

“Yeah, sure, no hard feelings,” Jack said, though he was clearly hurt. Without another word, Jack turned the car back toward the city and took Bo home.

Bo sat on the couch, strumming his guitar and thinking about what had happened that night with Jack. He hated hurting his friend the way he had, but he also knew that he would not have made Jack a good lover, or even a good partner.

Putting down his guitar he picked up the picture of Luke that he had had enlarged and framed. Touching the precious face through the glass, he whispered, “I love you so much. I wish that we had been able to make it work. Love, it kills me every night that I spend away from you. I only hope that someday you’ll find someone who’ll make you happy. Goodnight, my love,” Bo gently kissed the frame, wishing once again for his love’s embrace.

His last thoughts before sleep claimed him were, as always, of the love that he had lost.